Open Question #2 - Office Linux
Inspired by a chat I was having with JD, I decided to make this an open question.
If people who work in an office are anything like a Linux distribution, what personality traits would they have?
Respond using the page comments.
I assume you mean like the mac/windows commercials. I would see Ubuntu as a hippie going around and talking about free love. I would see what ever IBM is pushing to be the little boy they used in the commercials. And I would see Gentoo to be like Zack, because Zack likes potty humor and Gentoo always likes to dump crap to your screen.
If people who work in an office are anything like a Linux distribution, what personality traits would they have?
Secretary: Gentoo. You can groom a secretary to suit your needs absolutely perfectly. She can know your every whim, your every need and desire, and sometimes offer more than you can possibly imagine. Unfortunately, the close quarters is going to make things heat up, and if you’re not strong-willed, you might get caught up in an affair. Then, when you don’t give her a bonus or a diamond bracelet for Christmas, she’ll find subtle ways to sabatoge until you fire her and get another one (i.e. rebuild from scratch).
IT guys: Trustix. They’re solid, dependable, and came with great recommendations, but they’re kinda lingering. They know how to do everything, but you have to ask someone outside the company how to speak to them. Once you learn the language, you’re golden.
PR/HR: Ubuntu. They show off the flashiness of the company; they like to show potential customers how awesome the company is. Still, the company has some flaws and occasionally screws up an update, but it’s fixed quickly thanks to the PR department’s creativity. PR and HR know the company’s future rests in their hands (even though it doesn’t, really), and keeping them thinking that way makes the entire company rally behind them.
VPs: Red Hat. These old, stogy folks live in their own world, the world where everyone in the world is buying the product they helped create. Sure, their ideas started it all, but R&D has taken over and made things completely different than they used to be. VPs ignore the input of everyone, sometimes listening only to their secretaries and assistants.
Assistant VPs: SuSE. They try and try to be the VP but they just keep getting smacked down like an overenthusiastic dog. Everyone now and then, they come out with some new idea that wins them a few minutes in the spotlight, but then the VP steals the thunder by claiming the idea as his own, or that he inspired it.
President/CEO: Fedora. They once were VPs, but then they got hip and started listening to the rest of the company. Every now and then, the VPs remind the President where he came from, and then he has to rebuild all his confidence to take the company in a new direction.
Interns: Knoppix and its derivatives. They have so many separate purposes. Some will eventually get installed in the company, others just come around after hours for some scandalous activity with full-time employees. They come and go as they please, but there is always that one guy who has been an intern for six consecutive summers, but will never get hired.
R&D: Linux From Scratch. These guys do it their own way, which is decidedly better than all the others. They can do everything faster and more eloquently, but when things don’t go as planned, they end up calling college buddies asking for advice. R&D really could run the company, which would then become a clone of Google.
Finance: Mandriva. They used to be the Accounting department, and when they changed their name, no one had any idea what “Finance” was. And they’re all French.
Maintenance: Slackware. They know the ins and outs of the building and could probably rebuild the entire thing from scratch, seeing as though they were there when it was being built and will be there when the company leaves. Maintenance could probably run the company, too, which would then become Metacrawler, because they can’t actually come up with anything themselves.
Customer Service: Freespire. Everything works unless we say it doesn’t work. Customer Service is always disconnected from the rest of the company, and they rarely, but sometimes check back to see how they’re doing compared to all the other departments. Once PR and HR realize that the customers don’t understand how Customer Service works, PR/HR takes over Customer Service, making them yet another subdepartment.
People who talk around the water cooler all the time: GoboLinux. They’ve got their ideas of how to make the company better and make more sense to the consumer, but they’ll never really make their ideas known. They’ll simply continue to kvetch about the direction the company is headed while trying to start their own revolution (which will never take off because it’s not actually what the consumers want).
First international office: Yellow Dog. They started in the company’s main building, but then convinced the President to let them start an office in another country, and they’re doing quite well in that country. They’re just obscure because no one ever talks to them, despite their occasional breakthrough.
Board of Trustees: Arch. They’re thinking at the speed of electricity. They’re as fast as fast can get, but they won’t do anything other than boss around the President/CEO. They’ve got just as much vision, but they don’t worry about the lowest-income consumer–they want everything to be fast and good for the newest consumer.